Last Updated on December 3, 2019 by Christopher G Mendla
The great statesman Benjamin Franklin once wrote a book called “Fart Proudly” (Olde Ben was a bit eccentric)
Anyway, I had waaaaay too much time on my hands and was searching Google Patents which is a list of US patents going back to 1776. Actually some of them are pretty interesting. Anyway, I decided to search the patents for ‘fart’. A whole bunch of stuff came up like.
SINGLE CRYSTAL METALLIC FART – Oh My Gosh – never had one of those . What in the world do you have to eat to get one of those??
METHOD OP MAKING A PIPE-COUPLING FART – I usually want my pipe couplings to hold two pieces of pipe together, not to have them fart.
REPLACEABLE TIP MEMBER FOR A TWO-FART HAMMER – I guess those really bad farts kill the hammer after two times.
GOLF TEE WITH SEAT FORMED BY COACTING CENTRAL FART AND RADIATING PETALS – I don’t even want to go there
OPTICAL SY.STBM FOR PHOTOGRAPHING OBJECTS AT LEAST IN FART IN A LIQUID MEDIUM – Yep, gotta watch out for those wet farts
TWO-FART MECHANICAL INTERLOCK FOR ELECTROMAGNETIC CONTACTORS – Gee this sounds like some sort of cattle prod – fart twice and ZAAAAPPP.
TELESCOPING LAMP FART – Gee, what happened to Lava Lamps – Now they not only fart they telescope!!
THREE-FART MUFFLER WITH SIDE BRANCH CHAMBERS – For those particularly gassy days when you will be on a date or in an important meeting. The side branch chambers are the key
DECORATIVE MODULAR PULL ASSEMBLY HAVING MODULAR INTERIOR FART – Decorative??? Decorative?? How the hell do you decorate a fart?
BROKEN FART DETECTOR AND MACHINE CONTROL – Broken farts?? That is a disaster of epic proportions.. The “Machine Control” part would worry the hell out of me
STEWART X-RAY FART F – For those silent but deadly invisible hidden farts
GILPIN CORRUGATED CAR FART F – Yep, some farts inside a car have been know to corrugate the steel bodies of the cars
COLLAR OR LIKE GARMENT FART – Huh?? Maybe they mean the scent lingering in your clothes.
HUNT METHOD OF CUTTING SHOE FART BLANKS – Let me guess, the question is “What do you get when you cross foot fetishism with scatology??”
NELSON MEANS FOR SECURING DEMOUNT WHEEL FART S F – I prefer the wheel of fortune to the “Wheel of Farts”
So, you can check out the entire list at http://www.google.com/patents?num=100&q=fart
Remember, the government is monitoring all people making this particular search just to have a list of us morons…
BTW – all of this is a result of the fact that the OCR (Optical Character Recognition) seems to be seeing the P in Part as an F resulting in a lot of farting around